Sparrow's Nest

Wow...it is a beautiful day outside today....the sun is shining....and I know it has to be warmer then warm out there...I can feel it through the window!!! Wow...this is really nice!!! I love it!! For having no SLEEP at all...I am in a chipper mood !!! What gives!!!!!?? Maybe today will prove to be productive afterall!!! We never know do we? I am finding I really never know!! LOL
As for all the little things that have been bothering me so much lately...I think I am at last getting over all of them~~!! Yep!!! Sometimes things hurt us and we really cannot figure them out...but even though they did...we do get over them in time!! I think I am finally there at long last! I don't realy need to be bothered with those things that were upsetting me....they are only things from my past that somehow got shot into this present day....and they need to go back to where they belong...in the PAST!!!
I think I worry too much about people I care about...when all of the time...they give 2 shits about me!!! One of these days I will learn to let everything stay where they belong...and not touch them or let them get all meshed into my present day life!! They do not belong here.
Well ole friend....I think I worried about you long enough....yep....that was what it was!! Didn't want to see you get hurt....din't want to see someone use you.....but it was all a waste of my time worrying about that!!! You are not about to listen....you are all about doing whatever you want....and damn the person that gets in your way!! That is what I see!! Well just so you know...and God I hope you take the time to check my Blog....because I want you to know that from today onward....I am no longer going to voice any of my thoughts about just what you are up to!! Do what you will....be careless....be silly....be used....there is not a soul on the face of the earth that you would listen to anyway....not now....and that is too bad....but hey...we all have to have some bad things happen to really see where the good things are in our lives! Right? Right!
One thing though you got to know from me....don't ever think I am in the dark about things and how they work! And when it comes to you ole' friend...I know how you work!! Yep!!! I see you going through sort of the same motions that I have seen before!! Gee.......I wonder where I have seen these motions before?? LOL Well hey....I try to protect you...you know....but I know now that you do not see it that way...so hey...all I know to tell you...is go on head long intothis thing.....give it your all and all...and if it does not turn out the way you think it might...oh well...somebody did try to warn you....but you were not willing to even hear what that somebody was trying to say...!! Nope! Instead you took everything the wrong way....(as I really should have expected)....and you know now, I really don't care what happens to you as far as this whole thing goes! Sorry! You bite the hand that cares....and carefor the hand that will bite you in the end!!! So mote it be my ole' friend!! So mote it be!
Well this day is mine ole' friend....today I wake up!!! Today I have open eyes!! Today I am totally free!! What does that mean to you? You figure it out!! You seem to know all about women and what makes them tick!! So you figure this one out!!! And hey!! Good fucking luck because you are going to be needing all the luck you can get to figure it out...and when you do....look out!!! What a bubble it is going to burst for you!!! But that is life ole' friend!! We women do have a sense of pride....and even though I am old and ugly to you ....I too have pride!! As you will soon feel! But that is okay. You won't bother to notice it anyway....just like you notice nothing else!! But I am finished feeling sorry for you about what is coming down the road....I am finished sticking my neck out to say a word!!! You go find out yourself....and when you do...don't bother me with the problems...I DO NOT even want to know about them at all!!
By the way....I have something for you today...so I do hope you read this Blog!!! I don't really want you to have to spend money on something that you really cannot afford....and I do get the feeling that you are about to do just that! So before you do...I do hope you consider taking this GOLD CHAIN that was so precious to me....instaed of going and buying another one. That is not a wise move at this time anyways you know. It is really really too soon!! But I want you to know that you would not have asked me to weigh my chain for no reason at all!!! I am on to you ole' friend!! You are up to buying another chain for another person. Well I think that is ducky!!! I really do!! But if I were you...and of course you are not going to listen again....I would wait until Ms. Michele spends a little more time with you then she is willing to cut off right now. I mean there are 24 hours in a day....7 days a week....and what does she afford for you.....WOW....30 minutes in the late evening...hiding around the side of Blockbusters drinking a coke or whatever...and only on her break....and only on those days she is working at WinnDixie!!! What about all the other hours in the day? Where is she then? What is she doing for you? You tell me? Nothing!!! Not a damn thing!!! So if you are plannig to buy her a gold chain the way you did for me...you might consider the difference in the two of us!!! I mean really!! So I suggest that you take my chain....and give it to her...as I won't be needing it any longer....the man who gave it to me is gone...he fanished into thin air!!
Yep he is gone totally now....and he was such a nice person to know!! Too bad!! The really nice people have to fanish so easily...or so itseems to me!! He was not the sort that anyone could ever call shallow...only looking at the surface...you know a Shallow Hal sort of fellow!!! But you on the otherhand...well I hate to tell you this...but you are just that way indeed!! Everything is how a woman looks....you don't really care about what is in the inside...not really...not anymore!! Once upon a time you knew about loving from the inside out....but those days are no more for you ole' friend!! I have been truly watching you and I see the change...and it is sad....but true....you are not the person I use to know...not anymore.
Oh I will always be your friend....there is no question about that...but as far as me worrying about what is going to hit you down the road in time....well I am finished worrying is all. I guess it is time for you to get the big shaft...I don't really know anymore. But I do think you are on the verge of getting just that. So rather then spend your money...I have already removed this chain that you once gave to me....I have polished it all up nice and pretty and placed it in a box for you to give away to another. Yes...it meant alot to me...we were special then....we are special now...well were until today....special friends....true friends....but today I woke up....and I smelled the coffee....and I see that all I have become to you is a pain in your ass...so I am out of your way completely now.....from this writing forward! And if you do not take this chain to give to her...then I will simply place it in my drawer....along with other precious memories....because that is all that it means to me now. I am only trying to save you money...not make you mad. But if mad is whatyou get out of this, well there is nothing I can do about that either! Nor to I care to!
Let me tell you a little story okay?
There was once a person that made me feel like a queen....he treated me with all the kindness of his heart. So much so...that even when he deeply hurt me, I was compelled to help him when he needed me....but I knew in my heart that we shared something very special. Then one day he really hurt me...and he had to go away and leave me here alone....there was no choice in that matter...for the law had stated this to me. So he went away....way far away....all the way back home. I was left to fend for myself....I had nothing....no money....no food....no place to work really...only with my sister who tool her time in paying me reguardless of the fact that I was not eating one tenth of what a normal human being should be eating each day. I had to take a stranger into my apartment just to help pay the rent. This man that went away...had given me so many beautiful things....making me think I was so special to him....one of the first things was this beautiful gold chain...that I have never taken off until today....8 years or more later. Now I am married...and this man is back living here in this house with us....I still care alot about him....because I remember all the very special things he did. Then suddenly I see him doing the very same thing all over again...but for another! So you see....the bottom line is ....I really wasn't SO special at all. Nope. I was just another person.
So you see this story of mine is why I feel sometimes so depressed about what I see now. And also what I read!!!! Such as....and I quote........."I fall asleep thinking of her, I wake up thinking of her.... Good job Chuck.... You understand what I've actually managed to do here don't you ? You see with my incredible obtuseness I've taken a simple situation that very likely could have turned into a lastintg friendship, and with a great deal of style and finess turned it into something unmanagable which I'm not shure if she'll understand but then again Michelle has a ton of emotions that she is scared to let go of"...."Went up too the Dix tonight to spend some of my vast fortune, Got to talk too Michelle for a while outside, something l would'nt mind happening a bit more--well--a lot more often, l guess she has gone through a lot of the same garbage l've had to stumble or should l say roll through..."....."A man or woman is fortunate if they are able to find the genuine article once or twice in their entire lifetime.... For lack of a better term I will refer to this most precious comodity as [Soul Love]
Agape or unconditional love is a special attribute of God, this is the truest form of love known to exist.... I do believe though that God
has given all of us the ability to love at least one person uncoditionally ln our lifetimes, if you have the real thing you have a difficult time controlling the flood of emotions that you were unaware of posessing"......"l had temporaraly forgotten about the wicked decietfulness of 97 percent of your average women's souls, a soul that is filled with so much blackness, treachory, venum and pure hatered for men...."......"Someone once said to me [When I came to realize that those people did not live or love at
the same level of honesty or integrity that I have come to. Maybe the same
has been true for you. It may not be you who is the loser, & what you've
lost may not have been truly worthy of your care - or they wouldn't have
pulled that kind of BS in the first place. Sometimes, the goodness that we
see in others doesn't actually belong to them, but is instead rooted in
ourselves. I paid an outrageous price to learn this... Second, never,
never put yourself out there as a loser.".......! So you tell me what does this all mean?
I think I understand....and today I remove myself from being in your way!! One thing though....I will never forget
you....not today....not tomorrow....not ever...and that you can bank on!





"