Greetings all........
Have been really slack in my writing here!!! Can not believe how busy this past month or so has been...with our closing of our shop here in the Jacksonville area....trying to get our home back to a living condition....and getting things ready to go online for the online shop!!!! It has been a real hair-puller for sure!!! But we are mowing through everything here at the house....getting things back in order....getting our shop things all set up so we will be able to fill any order as quickly as possible!!
Summer has been overly hot here in dear ole' Jacksonville, Florida!!! Too hot for man or beast really!! Am looking forward to a wonderful chilly winter.....if Florida can handle that!!!.....me thinks most of the folks down this way only want the hot weather though!!! As for me...I am from the North really....am only a transplant in this heated place....and really do miss all the changing seasons....and for some reason, the longer I am in the South, the more I wish for a regular seasonal change to come!! LOL!!!
Having our house stuffed to the gills....as it is right now....is a pure pain in the neck.....to be sure....but we will get everything put into a certain place as soon as possible.....so much better then tripping over everything you know.....the house looks like a shop as of this moment of writing!!! It will get under order soon.....I hope!!!
Am no longer depressed though!!! One good thing!! Just had to stop looking at the downside of things you know....and start looking for the brighter things that surely are to come!! Seeing things with a wider scope sort of helps!! But am still wanting our shop!! Our vision! Our dreams! Wanting...and hoping for the best in the future! If things are meant to be than we shall see our dreams come true!! Right? ~~~and they all said: Right you are!!!~~~
To that I will end this day's Blog!!!
Blessed Be all
Thursday, August 22, 2002
Greetings Bloggers.....
One of these fine days...I am going to get real regular on this Blog and then lookout!!! But someday hey? I think that would be a great thing to do for me....write everyday....someday....someday....I know I will!!
Well things were looking sort of good for about a week....maybe not that long....but hey a week is better then no time good at all you know what I am saying here? Sort of think that everyone does.
Things were beginning to look as though we might get to move our shop into a real storefront.....a for real STORE!!! So excited....that was me....making tons of wonderful plans and all....only to have it all crushed...and ruined!! It hurt....but I did get over that....as much as I can see our shop in a real storefront....a truely real store at a shopping strip....visions I must put on hold once again!! Oh well....so goes life! Our shop is there to help others that are in the Pagan walk of life...more or less I guess...but we just seem to be standing still at the moment for some reason. We were doing so good there for awhile...it was as though our little shop was really talking giant steps....then BAM....everything began to fall apart around us!!!
So we can only hang on to our dreams for the shop....all the visions we have for it are on hold....there is no money left to carry on for that much longer really. Maybe the Holidays will see us through this mess?...I sure hope so.We will see though won't we?
As for me...I am finding it terribly hard to be of any help to others when I cannot seem to help even myself out of this paper bag called depression!! By the way there is nothing worse then depression...in case you all are interested...it is the downfall of ohhhh...so many wonderful things....so many wonderful dreams....for everyone that goes through this. Right now, Dale is really trying so hard to stay together.....but he is faced with even more then me really...being the head of a household is not an easy job to begin with.....but when you are faced with no work other then the shop that you are trying to get off the ground floor.....and even though he tries to find regular work everywhere and almost every single day of the week, except for on the weekends, due to the fact that he needs to be at the shop on the weekends....he tries....really tries so hard....but since February of this year, he cannot seem to find any work at all....and what is even worse then this....is he is not being picky about anything!!! Oh he is well trained to do many things....but he is willing to do anything to have some sort of income coming in!! But both he and I are in our early 50's....and they don't seem to want anyone that old when hiring for work!! The shop was going to end all of this sort of thing...looking for work, etc., but rather then going forward and upward as it has been....it has done nothing other then go downhill...and for the life of me I do not understand why!!
Can't even believe it....Dale worked yesterday and today...helping to put together a Dollar Store in the Mall closeby. Working for $6 an hour...at his age and with his background in the working world!!! Something is better then nothing I know....but gee it seems as though he is getting slapped in the face from one side to the other all of the time. Well this is temp.....nothing else....just a little extra money for food and that sort of stuff. I do feel so bad that he must work like this though.....he is really better then this sort of work...so much smarter...and all so wasted because this country could really and truly care less about their own people....I mean it is geared to take care of those still coming in from other countries!!! Doesn't seem fair to me....but there was once a person who use to tell me there is nothing fair about life at all, not really....and I have to give the credit where it is due....he was right about that for certain!!
Dale had a set back last week though....his Grandfather passed on and he could not go home to be there for the funeral. He was sad about that....I think he tried to hide it from me....but I could see it all the same written in his eyes! The eyes are really the windows to ones soul....a wise old woman told me that a long long time ago! My Grandmother, God rest her soul. I know what it is like not to be able to go home when someone you are close to passes on....it has always been this way for me....so I really felt for Dale concerning this as well.
Sometimes I know I am a burden on him....like a stone that is tied to leg and he must now drag around with him everywhere he goes!! That is always a wonderful feeling to know you are nothing more then a problem for another......and the other happens to be the one you are married to!! The Pits!!! I only wish there was someway that we could somehow get some help. Can't turn to my family at all not for any reason!No way will they ever help me....it has always been like this though for me.I am the oldest child of 3 daughters...and I am the only one that has always had the door closed in my face for one reason or another! My parents do not hurt for money....they never have...but when it comes to helping me.....well they simply will not do it at all!! I guess it didn't help that I lived most of my life long distance...but there were so many times that I needed them to at least understand that that was not my choice....but that of my first husband! I wanted to live near them but he simply would not do that because they were living up north in Albany, New York at that time...and he being a Georgia boy was not about to move north for any reason! I have always loved my Mother and Father....but they will never know that because they don't want to! I came here after my divorce from my first husband...after being with that man for 25 years...and living where he had chosen to live.....here is Jacksonville, Florida...where my entire family now lives! I really don't think I would have even come here to live....giving up my home in Atlanta was not an easy thing for me to do at all....but they insisted that I was in danger....and that my first husband had even told them that if I did not get out of his housethat I would be chopped up in many peices and planted all over the yard of that house which was really all woods and over and acre of land!! So they sort of thought it better that I come down here...why I don't know....because since I have been here they still have nothing to do with me even though I live only right around the corner from them!! So here I am....and since I have been here....life has gone down down down!! They know I have never really worked out in the world....first because I was married for sooo long to the same man that refused to allow me to be out in the working world!! Second because it is not that easy to get a job when you have a seizure disorder and you will not lie about it when applying for any sort of work!! Been there....tried that and got fired for lying!! So I will not lie about what physical thing is wrong with me even though you would never know by looking at me or even talking to me...I am under complete control by the meds I have always taken....and that is 35 years of taking the same meds!! They knew from the first....that eventually, if I came down here to live, I would for certain run out of money and end up without proper food or a place to even live....they had to know!! My Father is not that dumb.....he is not dumb at all ....never has been...and never will be either!So they knew alright what would happen to me if I came down here.....and when it started to happen....they turned their backs! Everytime I went to them for help I was turned down! Until the man I was taking care of....who is a quadraplegic....felt he had to do something...so he began to beg for money...so that we might could eat!! As a result I ended up near dead in a hospital here because my blood level had dropped down to a dangerous level of 2.3! They said I was as good as dead the night I was taken to the hospital! After that needing more meds to stay alive was something I had to forget about and hope and pray that God would see me through it.....and He did!! No thanks to my parents though. They refused to even help with one prescription! So I went without ......as usualbut...it was not my time to leave this earth in spite of their total rejection! Then I married Dale!!! Oh they love Dale.....I think they think he has money or something though....it seems that way to me anyways. If they only knew how bad off we really and truly are....they would dislike him as much as my first husband! They only care about those that have money....because it seems they feel better then the rest of the world around them.
Well......maybe someday this will be different....but for now....there is no change in my family. They are as they are....and it matters not if I am suffering. And that is fine I guess.
Can't really go on with this today! It is even more painful when I write these things out for me. So have a good day who ever is reading this....and be thankful for the day...and your life...no matter how bad it may seem....things can worse you know.....so be ever thankful for what things you have. Blessed Be
One of these fine days...I am going to get real regular on this Blog and then lookout!!! But someday hey? I think that would be a great thing to do for me....write everyday....someday....someday....I know I will!!
Well things were looking sort of good for about a week....maybe not that long....but hey a week is better then no time good at all you know what I am saying here? Sort of think that everyone does.
Things were beginning to look as though we might get to move our shop into a real storefront.....a for real STORE!!! So excited....that was me....making tons of wonderful plans and all....only to have it all crushed...and ruined!! It hurt....but I did get over that....as much as I can see our shop in a real storefront....a truely real store at a shopping strip....visions I must put on hold once again!! Oh well....so goes life! Our shop is there to help others that are in the Pagan walk of life...more or less I guess...but we just seem to be standing still at the moment for some reason. We were doing so good there for awhile...it was as though our little shop was really talking giant steps....then BAM....everything began to fall apart around us!!!
So we can only hang on to our dreams for the shop....all the visions we have for it are on hold....there is no money left to carry on for that much longer really. Maybe the Holidays will see us through this mess?...I sure hope so.We will see though won't we?
As for me...I am finding it terribly hard to be of any help to others when I cannot seem to help even myself out of this paper bag called depression!! By the way there is nothing worse then depression...in case you all are interested...it is the downfall of ohhhh...so many wonderful things....so many wonderful dreams....for everyone that goes through this. Right now, Dale is really trying so hard to stay together.....but he is faced with even more then me really...being the head of a household is not an easy job to begin with.....but when you are faced with no work other then the shop that you are trying to get off the ground floor.....and even though he tries to find regular work everywhere and almost every single day of the week, except for on the weekends, due to the fact that he needs to be at the shop on the weekends....he tries....really tries so hard....but since February of this year, he cannot seem to find any work at all....and what is even worse then this....is he is not being picky about anything!!! Oh he is well trained to do many things....but he is willing to do anything to have some sort of income coming in!! But both he and I are in our early 50's....and they don't seem to want anyone that old when hiring for work!! The shop was going to end all of this sort of thing...looking for work, etc., but rather then going forward and upward as it has been....it has done nothing other then go downhill...and for the life of me I do not understand why!!
Can't even believe it....Dale worked yesterday and today...helping to put together a Dollar Store in the Mall closeby. Working for $6 an hour...at his age and with his background in the working world!!! Something is better then nothing I know....but gee it seems as though he is getting slapped in the face from one side to the other all of the time. Well this is temp.....nothing else....just a little extra money for food and that sort of stuff. I do feel so bad that he must work like this though.....he is really better then this sort of work...so much smarter...and all so wasted because this country could really and truly care less about their own people....I mean it is geared to take care of those still coming in from other countries!!! Doesn't seem fair to me....but there was once a person who use to tell me there is nothing fair about life at all, not really....and I have to give the credit where it is due....he was right about that for certain!!
Dale had a set back last week though....his Grandfather passed on and he could not go home to be there for the funeral. He was sad about that....I think he tried to hide it from me....but I could see it all the same written in his eyes! The eyes are really the windows to ones soul....a wise old woman told me that a long long time ago! My Grandmother, God rest her soul. I know what it is like not to be able to go home when someone you are close to passes on....it has always been this way for me....so I really felt for Dale concerning this as well.
Sometimes I know I am a burden on him....like a stone that is tied to leg and he must now drag around with him everywhere he goes!! That is always a wonderful feeling to know you are nothing more then a problem for another......and the other happens to be the one you are married to!! The Pits!!! I only wish there was someway that we could somehow get some help. Can't turn to my family at all not for any reason!No way will they ever help me....it has always been like this though for me.I am the oldest child of 3 daughters...and I am the only one that has always had the door closed in my face for one reason or another! My parents do not hurt for money....they never have...but when it comes to helping me.....well they simply will not do it at all!! I guess it didn't help that I lived most of my life long distance...but there were so many times that I needed them to at least understand that that was not my choice....but that of my first husband! I wanted to live near them but he simply would not do that because they were living up north in Albany, New York at that time...and he being a Georgia boy was not about to move north for any reason! I have always loved my Mother and Father....but they will never know that because they don't want to! I came here after my divorce from my first husband...after being with that man for 25 years...and living where he had chosen to live.....here is Jacksonville, Florida...where my entire family now lives! I really don't think I would have even come here to live....giving up my home in Atlanta was not an easy thing for me to do at all....but they insisted that I was in danger....and that my first husband had even told them that if I did not get out of his housethat I would be chopped up in many peices and planted all over the yard of that house which was really all woods and over and acre of land!! So they sort of thought it better that I come down here...why I don't know....because since I have been here they still have nothing to do with me even though I live only right around the corner from them!! So here I am....and since I have been here....life has gone down down down!! They know I have never really worked out in the world....first because I was married for sooo long to the same man that refused to allow me to be out in the working world!! Second because it is not that easy to get a job when you have a seizure disorder and you will not lie about it when applying for any sort of work!! Been there....tried that and got fired for lying!! So I will not lie about what physical thing is wrong with me even though you would never know by looking at me or even talking to me...I am under complete control by the meds I have always taken....and that is 35 years of taking the same meds!! They knew from the first....that eventually, if I came down here to live, I would for certain run out of money and end up without proper food or a place to even live....they had to know!! My Father is not that dumb.....he is not dumb at all ....never has been...and never will be either!So they knew alright what would happen to me if I came down here.....and when it started to happen....they turned their backs! Everytime I went to them for help I was turned down! Until the man I was taking care of....who is a quadraplegic....felt he had to do something...so he began to beg for money...so that we might could eat!! As a result I ended up near dead in a hospital here because my blood level had dropped down to a dangerous level of 2.3! They said I was as good as dead the night I was taken to the hospital! After that needing more meds to stay alive was something I had to forget about and hope and pray that God would see me through it.....and He did!! No thanks to my parents though. They refused to even help with one prescription! So I went without ......as usualbut...it was not my time to leave this earth in spite of their total rejection! Then I married Dale!!! Oh they love Dale.....I think they think he has money or something though....it seems that way to me anyways. If they only knew how bad off we really and truly are....they would dislike him as much as my first husband! They only care about those that have money....because it seems they feel better then the rest of the world around them.
Well......maybe someday this will be different....but for now....there is no change in my family. They are as they are....and it matters not if I am suffering. And that is fine I guess.
Can't really go on with this today! It is even more painful when I write these things out for me. So have a good day who ever is reading this....and be thankful for the day...and your life...no matter how bad it may seem....things can worse you know.....so be ever thankful for what things you have. Blessed Be
Sunday, August 11, 2002
Not a good day today....but then not everyday can really be a great and happy time day, now can it? Nope! I have a million things I have to work on here at the house for the shop....things that I know I can only do alone....things that I know I need my space so I feel the freedom of thought to flow....but when I am here at the house alone....freedom of thought seems not to flow properly for some reason. Who knows!.....Who cares?No one really....and once again I find the bottom of the barrel to hide in! So many times I think I am actually coming out of this god forsaken shell that I have lived in all my life....only to find safety back in that shell that I hate so badly! My creative side stops flowing....and bang!!!.....nothing....I can do nothing but sit around and waste yet another day of life.
Is this ever going to end....me feeling like I am less and less of a person?
Well the shop was my dream.....that becomes a nightmare on most occasions! That is really a confusing thing for me. This was something I wanted so badly....but it has gone sour for some reason. I don't know why....I don't understand anymore.
I have a wonderful vision still....but really it is best to keep it in my heart...and never tell a soul! Dale works hard at trying to please me...and he works hard at trying to keep the shop going all of the time. But something is wrong no matter how hard he tries.It's not him....yet he is the one that always gets to hear me complain about things dealing with the shop....but after all we are partners in this....not to speak of the fact married as well!!!I don't want to always put a damper on everything dealing with that shop....but even he does not understand how I am feeling!! It is like I am standing all alone at the edge of a cliff and the footing is coming apart under my feet!! We have some really nice people working with us....but I am not understanding why they seem to know what I speak to Dale only in confidence!! It is really bad enough that I cannot go in when the weather is so hot....due to medical problems with the heat....but for them to tell me that it was me that actually put a damper on things at the shop....that does bother me more then I can express. My heart is in that shop...but nobody really knows that...not even Dale...not even Dale. I see wonderful things for the shop....wonderful ideas that from now on I will never pass along not even to Dale....things that will never happen because I cannot be there enough to really feel a part of the one thing in my life that would have been so perfect. The really sad part of this...is...I want to work at the perfection so badly...I want to make everything go right....and in that sense, everything seems to be going wrong!!
Like I said it is a bad day today for me.....my heart is not even in this writing....and I seem to be pulling away from everything that I really want to do in life. So I end this writing today....with......maybe tomorrow....for after all......."tomorrow is another day......"
Is this ever going to end....me feeling like I am less and less of a person?
Well the shop was my dream.....that becomes a nightmare on most occasions! That is really a confusing thing for me. This was something I wanted so badly....but it has gone sour for some reason. I don't know why....I don't understand anymore.
I have a wonderful vision still....but really it is best to keep it in my heart...and never tell a soul! Dale works hard at trying to please me...and he works hard at trying to keep the shop going all of the time. But something is wrong no matter how hard he tries.It's not him....yet he is the one that always gets to hear me complain about things dealing with the shop....but after all we are partners in this....not to speak of the fact married as well!!!I don't want to always put a damper on everything dealing with that shop....but even he does not understand how I am feeling!! It is like I am standing all alone at the edge of a cliff and the footing is coming apart under my feet!! We have some really nice people working with us....but I am not understanding why they seem to know what I speak to Dale only in confidence!! It is really bad enough that I cannot go in when the weather is so hot....due to medical problems with the heat....but for them to tell me that it was me that actually put a damper on things at the shop....that does bother me more then I can express. My heart is in that shop...but nobody really knows that...not even Dale...not even Dale. I see wonderful things for the shop....wonderful ideas that from now on I will never pass along not even to Dale....things that will never happen because I cannot be there enough to really feel a part of the one thing in my life that would have been so perfect. The really sad part of this...is...I want to work at the perfection so badly...I want to make everything go right....and in that sense, everything seems to be going wrong!!
Like I said it is a bad day today for me.....my heart is not even in this writing....and I seem to be pulling away from everything that I really want to do in life. So I end this writing today....with......maybe tomorrow....for after all......."tomorrow is another day......"
Tuesday, August 06, 2002
Well it is easier to get turned back around going the wrong side of the day for me then it is to do just about anything!! I try though to get the days right...so I can be awake during the normal daytime hours of most everyone....but somehow, something always comes up that turns me right back around. Not good!!
Well the weekend that just went by was different! We had to go and help a few younger people get some things a little straight in their heads....some of these kids are so mixed up out in this nasty world....so we have to try to help them when the need calls.
So we did have a different weekend......strange....and very weird!!
Am working on getting everything just so for the pages I am going to be working on....well have already started working on. But geeze.....it really takes so much time...........LOL!!! Nah....I am the slow one around here really....have been that way all my life...slow as mud!!!
Most people never seem to understand me and why everything takes so friggin' long for me to really get done....but I am so picky....sometimes I wise I was not that way.....but hey I am....so I have to live with it you know?
Well.......guess I am off to bed...this has been a very unfruitful day for me....everything seems to be moving in mud.....and I am tired...really tired now.
Nite all...........blessed be!
Well the weekend that just went by was different! We had to go and help a few younger people get some things a little straight in their heads....some of these kids are so mixed up out in this nasty world....so we have to try to help them when the need calls.
So we did have a different weekend......strange....and very weird!!
Am working on getting everything just so for the pages I am going to be working on....well have already started working on. But geeze.....it really takes so much time...........LOL!!! Nah....I am the slow one around here really....have been that way all my life...slow as mud!!!
Most people never seem to understand me and why everything takes so friggin' long for me to really get done....but I am so picky....sometimes I wise I was not that way.....but hey I am....so I have to live with it you know?
Well.......guess I am off to bed...this has been a very unfruitful day for me....everything seems to be moving in mud.....and I am tired...really tired now.
Nite all...........blessed be!
Monday, July 29, 2002
Another day is here!!! And I am awake during the daylight hours!!! Was beginning to feel as though I was of the Vampire Clan or something damn near close anyway!!! ....but guess if I am up and running during the daylight can't be much of a Vamp!!!! Right? All say "RIGHT"!!!
Got lots of work to do today....am getting things ready around here for the Holidays!!! This has to do from running a shop...Christmas really does begin sometime in July.....and really this being the end of July...I am starting late this year!!! No joke!!
Even though the people we serve.....through our shop here in this area in Jacksonville, Florida.....are really not gearing up so much for Christmas as they are for Samhain....(Halloween).....and then for Yule....which is on the 21st of December!!....so you can see how close to the Christmas thing it is!!! Of course...the theroy of the whole Christmas thing is taken from the Pagans as they were the ones that really celebrated the end of the harvest and the death and birth of the new God!! Jesus Christ was not born on December 25th by the way....for all of you that do not realize this one very clear fact that comes from a ton of studying!...no ...no...no...He was born closer to the time of His death upon the cross. I would say that semi-close examination of this fact could show anyone this!!
But you know how people are....rather then study things for themselves....they would rather be led by the nose by some other person posing as higher and knowing so much more then the rest of us seem to know!!! Due to this....I, myself have met with much scorn!!!!.....it seems that no one wants to think that they themselves can do quite a bit of their own studying and learn so very much more!!! Have been a Catholic ....that lasted 33 years....of which I consider a total waste of my time anymore....33 years of letting some priest tell me all of what our Lord is about!!!....but thank God that He did not allow for me to really absorb all the teaching of the Catholic churchnot that the people in that church are bad...because they are not....they really just don't know the whole story is all.
Through my whole life in the Catholic church though....I did study on the Craft and even become a part of it as well! Then one day....back in 81'...I was born again and Spirit filled!! So yes, I am a born again person....! Going from one church to the next was my next step!!! Studying the Bible was like second nature to me!!! The Bible actually came alive in my hands!!! But as I learned of the deeper things of God...I also realized that it was not a good thing for me to be in any certain church. I had far too many questions that no one was able to ever give a sound answer for!!! And too...I was always told that I need not to have all these sort of questions....that I needed to be more silent within the church body!!! Of course that did not sit well with me either!!! Needless to say....who were they to tell me that I was not suppose to be asking questions!!! I finally realized that I was being told this simply because they who were in the teaching/preaching position did not have any of the answers to the questions I was bringing up!!
I was also finding that I was learning far more when I was not in a so called "church bodyor fellowship"...so what can I say?I have had so many people tell me that I must being going to a church somewhere to know and understand what I do....and to see their faces when I tell those people that "no" I study on my own with the best teacher I could think of!!!and with that they usually look at you like...."WHO!!?"....It literally blows me away!!!! Who do they think?? I do not hold with the traditions of man when it comes to the Lord....I follow only Christ Jesus...He who never had a church to preach out of....He who never had a bed to lay down in....He who never had a dinner table of His own to sit down at....He who had only what was on His back for clothing.....He who walked upon this earth only for a short time....but long enough to see how messed up mankind had really become....He who was and is God and will continue to be God forever....He who layed all that aside to come her to live as we do so that He might more fully understand how really hard it is for this one creation of His to get by in this world....MAN!!!
Knowing all this....I never did pray for anything for my own self.....but prayed only to know Him more and more....and that in time....His timing....that He might begin to use me as a vessel to bring His truth to others. That was and is my only request of God.
Due to this....I learned of so many other books written by those that are in the Bible today as we know it.....books written by Moses,
Enoch, who walked with God and was not.....in other words has yet to taste of death....other books written by the Apostle Paul, and James, and John, and almost everyone that someof their books are in the Holy Scriptures! My big question to the world still stands the same by the way! How is it that we can build our faith upon what Paul wrote in the Scriptures....yet we can only read what he wrote and is in the Bible itself!!!? How is it that we can cast off all the other writings that these men did write? And who was it that decided which books should only be within the Holy Scriptures? And why?
Oh .....I do know the answers for this now....but I will let you all think upon this....and then tomorrow....or the very next time I sit down and write in here...I will give you the answers to this!
So until the next time....you have now food for thought!!
Brightest Blessing to you.....
Got lots of work to do today....am getting things ready around here for the Holidays!!! This has to do from running a shop...Christmas really does begin sometime in July.....and really this being the end of July...I am starting late this year!!! No joke!!
Even though the people we serve.....through our shop here in this area in Jacksonville, Florida.....are really not gearing up so much for Christmas as they are for Samhain....(Halloween).....and then for Yule....which is on the 21st of December!!....so you can see how close to the Christmas thing it is!!! Of course...the theroy of the whole Christmas thing is taken from the Pagans as they were the ones that really celebrated the end of the harvest and the death and birth of the new God!! Jesus Christ was not born on December 25th by the way....for all of you that do not realize this one very clear fact that comes from a ton of studying!...no ...no...no...He was born closer to the time of His death upon the cross. I would say that semi-close examination of this fact could show anyone this!!
But you know how people are....rather then study things for themselves....they would rather be led by the nose by some other person posing as higher and knowing so much more then the rest of us seem to know!!! Due to this....I, myself have met with much scorn!!!!.....it seems that no one wants to think that they themselves can do quite a bit of their own studying and learn so very much more!!! Have been a Catholic ....that lasted 33 years....of which I consider a total waste of my time anymore....33 years of letting some priest tell me all of what our Lord is about!!!....but thank God that He did not allow for me to really absorb all the teaching of the Catholic churchnot that the people in that church are bad...because they are not....they really just don't know the whole story is all.
Through my whole life in the Catholic church though....I did study on the Craft and even become a part of it as well! Then one day....back in 81'...I was born again and Spirit filled!! So yes, I am a born again person....! Going from one church to the next was my next step!!! Studying the Bible was like second nature to me!!! The Bible actually came alive in my hands!!! But as I learned of the deeper things of God...I also realized that it was not a good thing for me to be in any certain church. I had far too many questions that no one was able to ever give a sound answer for!!! And too...I was always told that I need not to have all these sort of questions....that I needed to be more silent within the church body!!! Of course that did not sit well with me either!!! Needless to say....who were they to tell me that I was not suppose to be asking questions!!! I finally realized that I was being told this simply because they who were in the teaching/preaching position did not have any of the answers to the questions I was bringing up!!
I was also finding that I was learning far more when I was not in a so called "church bodyor fellowship"...so what can I say?I have had so many people tell me that I must being going to a church somewhere to know and understand what I do....and to see their faces when I tell those people that "no" I study on my own with the best teacher I could think of!!!and with that they usually look at you like...."WHO!!?"....It literally blows me away!!!! Who do they think?? I do not hold with the traditions of man when it comes to the Lord....I follow only Christ Jesus...He who never had a church to preach out of....He who never had a bed to lay down in....He who never had a dinner table of His own to sit down at....He who had only what was on His back for clothing.....He who walked upon this earth only for a short time....but long enough to see how messed up mankind had really become....He who was and is God and will continue to be God forever....He who layed all that aside to come her to live as we do so that He might more fully understand how really hard it is for this one creation of His to get by in this world....MAN!!!
Knowing all this....I never did pray for anything for my own self.....but prayed only to know Him more and more....and that in time....His timing....that He might begin to use me as a vessel to bring His truth to others. That was and is my only request of God.
Due to this....I learned of so many other books written by those that are in the Bible today as we know it.....books written by Moses,
Enoch, who walked with God and was not.....in other words has yet to taste of death....other books written by the Apostle Paul, and James, and John, and almost everyone that someof their books are in the Holy Scriptures! My big question to the world still stands the same by the way! How is it that we can build our faith upon what Paul wrote in the Scriptures....yet we can only read what he wrote and is in the Bible itself!!!? How is it that we can cast off all the other writings that these men did write? And who was it that decided which books should only be within the Holy Scriptures? And why?
Oh .....I do know the answers for this now....but I will let you all think upon this....and then tomorrow....or the very next time I sit down and write in here...I will give you the answers to this!
So until the next time....you have now food for thought!!
Brightest Blessing to you.....
Friday, July 26, 2002
Well...well...well...another day!!! Hurray!!! Well another night!! LOL Well I am sort of rolling now...but I still have to figure out how to upload a graphic!!! I really can't stand not knowing how to do something on the computer! Ugh!!
I kept on trying to change the template in here....and whoa....I think I really did it!!! WOW!!! So cool!
Am trying to log on my favorite links....(simple as pie baby!!!....;)...)but it will take a few days of messing around here and getting my favorite links up to par as well!!! This is fun! Think I am ready to wrrite!! Well like a diary......!!!
So another day....a dollar poorer....but hey....a ton smarter!!! Right? Yep! That is usually how it goes!
Well....be checking out now....looking forward to maybe getting in here and writing earlier tomorrow! But hey....it is tomorrow!!! Dang! Missed it again! I am a night person...do or die!!
No Joke!!
Am scootin' for now.....bye!
I kept on trying to change the template in here....and whoa....I think I really did it!!! WOW!!! So cool!
Am trying to log on my favorite links....(simple as pie baby!!!....;)...)but it will take a few days of messing around here and getting my favorite links up to par as well!!! This is fun! Think I am ready to wrrite!! Well like a diary......!!!
So another day....a dollar poorer....but hey....a ton smarter!!! Right? Yep! That is usually how it goes!
Well....be checking out now....looking forward to maybe getting in here and writing earlier tomorrow! But hey....it is tomorrow!!! Dang! Missed it again! I am a night person...do or die!!
No Joke!!
Am scootin' for now.....bye!
Thursday, July 25, 2002
Tis me again....no not flying on a broom!! More or less dragging...trying to figure out how to change this template!!! Am not a puppy lover....or a doggy happy person!! But.....have tried everything I can think of to change this template...all has failed so far....but I know me!! I won't give up until I either get this thing changed or I mess it up totally!!
I know there has to be a way to change this template....so I won't hang it up yet!!
Well today was eventful!!! Let's see...spent many hours in front of this screen....worked on some new webpage design....(no not for Blogger)....regular webpages!!! I can do them!! This ....well that remains to be seen!!! Then had to deliver a spell to a dear friend...both me and my husband always work together on these things....and stayed with her of course, until it was completed! A very good spell....and a great night to do it in as well....FullMoon!!!!!
By the way...to all those reading this....we are sort of at the other end of the clock!! We...my husband and myself....are night people!!
This is the end of my day....and I know everyone else is probably getting up!! No matter...you are what you are!! We are the night!!!
But he is sleeping at his computer right about now....and hey....he is still halfway into his solitaire game!!!! Dang! Oh well....the spellwork was a biggy tonight....and hey that solitaire game was getting hard!!!
By the way...my husband's name is Dale....! So from now on I don't have to keep saying my husband, you will know who he is when I mention Dale!
Well am going to cut this one short too! Got to get some rest tonight! You know while it is still a tiny bit dark out there!!! LOL
Brightest Blessings ....and nite nite!!!
I know there has to be a way to change this template....so I won't hang it up yet!!
Well today was eventful!!! Let's see...spent many hours in front of this screen....worked on some new webpage design....(no not for Blogger)....regular webpages!!! I can do them!! This ....well that remains to be seen!!! Then had to deliver a spell to a dear friend...both me and my husband always work together on these things....and stayed with her of course, until it was completed! A very good spell....and a great night to do it in as well....FullMoon!!!!!
By the way...to all those reading this....we are sort of at the other end of the clock!! We...my husband and myself....are night people!!
This is the end of my day....and I know everyone else is probably getting up!! No matter...you are what you are!! We are the night!!!
But he is sleeping at his computer right about now....and hey....he is still halfway into his solitaire game!!!! Dang! Oh well....the spellwork was a biggy tonight....and hey that solitaire game was getting hard!!!
By the way...my husband's name is Dale....! So from now on I don't have to keep saying my husband, you will know who he is when I mention Dale!
Well am going to cut this one short too! Got to get some rest tonight! You know while it is still a tiny bit dark out there!!! LOL
Brightest Blessings ....and nite nite!!!
Friday, July 12, 2002
Greetings....and....Merry Meet....
Hmmm....this is all new to me! Web Pages I have made, several in fact!...but to just simply write what is on my mind...well I have not done this! So hang in here as I get going....and soon I will getthis down too....I hope!!
Just a few facts about "me".
My name is Carla, but SparrowHawk is my Magickal name and I do use it alot online. Right now I maintain only one WebSite, but am working on others, dealing with Fearies...(the fae)...Magick...and of course, an online shop for Metaphysical Supplies, called Wrinkle n' Tyme. And oh yes, my husband and I do run a wonderful physical shop here in Florida, where we live! So we stay very busy and really do love what we do.
Enough about me! I have work to do still today! LOL So for now....am signing out!!
Hmmm....this is all new to me! Web Pages I have made, several in fact!...but to just simply write what is on my mind...well I have not done this! So hang in here as I get going....and soon I will getthis down too....I hope!!
Just a few facts about "me".
My name is Carla, but SparrowHawk is my Magickal name and I do use it alot online. Right now I maintain only one WebSite, but am working on others, dealing with Fearies...(the fae)...Magick...and of course, an online shop for Metaphysical Supplies, called Wrinkle n' Tyme. And oh yes, my husband and I do run a wonderful physical shop here in Florida, where we live! So we stay very busy and really do love what we do.
Enough about me! I have work to do still today! LOL So for now....am signing out!!
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